Forging Relationships with Deity

How does one find a relationship with a new deity after being raised in a fundamentalist Christian tradition? How does one approach an ancient goddess after spending most of their life believing the only true deity was singular and exclusively male? How does one seek out a partnership* with a deity after believing deity was both all-knowing and all-powerful and required servitude?  How do I put aside these worldviews I no longer believe to be true and replace them with something completely different? What must I do or say?

---

I’ve contemplated various deities** over the last few years – Cerridwen, Arrianhrod, Saule, Sophia, and Brigid – but a patron deity remained elusive. I studied each deity and learned something from each story but eventually moved on to another deity. The only deity I’ve ever come back to is Brigid. She is the deity my kitchen altar is dedicated to and is, probably, my long-sought-after patron. I’m giving us until Imbolc 2017 to decide whether our partnership is right for both of us; if it is, then I’ll plan something ceremonial and official. As a very fluid person, commitment is a bit scary for me… but I feel like I need the stability. I’m ready to be done with my five years of spiritual drifting. Identifying as a witch, after four years of denial (a knee-jerk reaction to my first husband’s fear of me when I timidly broached the subject) has been freeing in ways I never imagined. My anxiety has eased up, I’m happier, I feel more fulfilled, and my family is happier as a result. Mommy being stable and free to be her witchy self is powerfully positive; having an established patron deity can only ground us deeper as a family.

 
Imbolc is six months away; I’m looking forward to what these months will bring. If the last few days are any indicator, these should be some of the happiest months of our lives. Even if Brigid isn’t who I partner with for the long haul, I will still be forever grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from her.

*If the concept of partnering with a deity – rather than serving without question – is new to you, join the club! I stumbled across the concept on Instagram recently and was thankful to read someone expressing this simple-but-shocking concept. Witches make things happen. Witches don’t sit around waiting for a deity to grant our wish – we call on deity to aid us as we send our intentions into the world and work to create what we need/want. Ours is an active spirituality, complete with personal responsibility and free will. 

** My deities-of-interest have all been female. I believe in male/female balance in areas of spirituality, but for now I’m only pursuing goddesses. About three years ago I had a vision in which a god smiled and conveyed to me that he would be waiting for me to be ready to embrace male deity again. He pointed me to his female counterpart and I knew I was to embrace her. I’m still focusing on the Goddess at this time. As my boys grow older I will likely relearn what it means to be masculine (something I’m already relearning thanks to my husband) and discover the God.

 

Birthday Blessings

Recently my dear husband completed another circle ’round the sun. He’s not one for big to-dos and fuss, but the kids and I made sure the day was observed with joy and love. Big Brother was beside himself with anticipation as he made big plans: he scoured the house for trinkets he could offer as a gift and then placed them in a special gift box; he drew up birthday hats that we taped onto hats I made using construction paper and yarn; he told me we had to bake a tall cake and decorate it, so we settled on a Legend-of-Zelda-inspired tri-force cake (Hubby loves the games and has enjoyed sharing them with me and the boys). 

I used this recipe for gluten, dairy, and egg free sponge cake; Big Brother added love to the cake batter by blowing kisses as he stirred the batter. ❤️ I’m not a cake-baker or decorator by any stretch of the imagination, but I was pleased with the end results. The chocolate frosting was blessed with finely-ground parsley (for traveling around the sun another year) and the golden frosting was dyed with turmeric and blessed with chamomile (for health). Hubby was pleasantly surprised by the Legend of Zelda theme and felt very loved thank to Big Brother’s sweet efforts. ❤️ I look forward to the joy of celebrating many more birthdays to come with my precious family.

Sacred Spaces

I’ve maintained a sacred space ever since I moved into our current apartment, two years ago. My first altar decorations reflected my journey into motherhood as a pregnant womban:

The rosemary wreath I wore at our handfasting as well as hubby’s boutineer.

My altar has changed with the seasons but I apparently have failed to take many pictures. To be honest, I’ve struggled to maintain this space beyond adding new trinkets from Mother Earth and regularly lighting the candle as a peaceful light during bedtime for the kids. 

But now I have a new space in my kitchen – my prime witchy space. 

I’m very pleased with my kitchen altar. ❤️✨ I got the inspiration from one of my new favorite reads: 

I’m a Left Wing Nutjob

I don’t like political stuff… But this was way too cool not to share. Someone created a site where you (us Americans) can figure out which presidential candidates line up best with your beliefs. 

“I Side With”

My results:

Who is Jill Stein????? Bernie Sanders I know and love, but who is the awesome-sounding lady???!!!

Let It Rise

Making pizza from scratch has always been one of those things I oooed and awed over – crafty, gourmet people did it; home baked bread (not pan bread, but the REAL stuff) and from-scratch pie crusts are in that category too. I’ve tried making these from-scratch goodies before, but found I wasn’t naturally good at it (unlike my husband!) and am downright impatient. 😁 

About a year ago I was looking at various educational methods and found myself enchanted by the Waldorf model. Fairies and gnomes dance about while angelic children make watercolor paintings, knit, and play with their all-wood toys. Okay, so I realize it isn’t all as picture-perfect as that. It sounded like heaven and still kind of does, but my family as a whole definitely didn’t mesh with it. I’ve learned (and am still learning) a lot from the Waldorf ideology, though. One thing that stuck out was the practice of regularly having children make bread – the yeasty, amazing kind that has to be kneaded by hand. Can anyone say sensory play? Also, hurray for valuable life skills and children being involved in making their food!

In the present, I’m trying to include my boys in the food-making process. We don’t have a garden this year, so we aren’t involved in the growing, but we do talk about farms and farmers and how our food comes to us. I’m teaching them (and myself) how to respect what we’ve been blessed with by using it in a nourishing way with as little waste as possible. They help me grocery shop and we talk about what we’ll make with the food, and sometimes they help make it. 

Today we all made pizzas! There were blood, sweat, and tears involved, but the kids loved it and the end results were delicious. Big Brother, who has sensory processing disorder, particularly enjoyed kneading his dough. I foresee much more of this sort of baking in our future. 😊 Our pizza crust recipe came from The Vegan Family Cookbook.



As an aside: I am intolerant of gluten but the rest of the family are not. They used regular wheat flour for their pizzas, so I taped down some wax paper to form a safe surface for me to knead my dough on. Some people are more sensitive than me and require a 100% gluten-free household. Thankfully my body’s sensitivity is not as serious as that! Since the rest of my family eats dairy and I can’t (casein allergy), I’ve realized I need two cheese graters to prevent cross-contamination risks. 

Head-Wrapping and Me

It all began with a question: 

Why do modern women cover their heads?

As a feminist, I thought most women wrapped due to patriarchal oppression; I found the exact opposite! Research brought stories and ideologies from around the world – some related to patriarchal oppression, but in many situations women considered it their personal choice. I found it fascinating how these women felt more beautiful, self-respected, reverent, and even empowered by this simple act. In April I came across a Pagan women’s story and decided to try head covering for myself.

In early April I wrote:

I’m acting on a hunch – covering my head will cut back on the “noise” that gets in my brain and adds to my anxiety. 

I’m very sensitive to the energies around me and find that my anxiety/stress frequently stems from the energies of others. I don’t know much about chakras, but I read somewhere about a woman using a headscarf to protect her 1st chakra from outside energies. If this works out I’m going to be soooo happy! I think huge amounts of my anxiety is coming straight from my excessively anxious, volatile, special-needs son.

A few days later I concluded: 

I’m totally sold on head covering as a means to block unwanted energies. Now to figure out how to incorporate it into everyday life… gracefully. I feel so much lighter when I cover, presumably because all the other energies weigh me down. Being an empath is interesting and not something I chose, but it’s who I am and I’m finally learning how to live with it.

In late May I wrote:

I like wrapping my head up in a scarf. I’ve decided to refer to this as head wrapping instead of head covering. “Covering” signifies submission, and I’m not doing this as an act of submission. Wrapping is empowering to me on so many levels: 

1. I have chosen to do it for myself, not because of anyone else or any ideology 

2. I’ve followed my intuition in this choice (instead of silencing my intuition out of fear) 

3. I feel better when I wrap, so choosing to continue is practicing self-care 

4. I think it’s beautiful and I feel beautiful doing it. 

I think this is a small but hugely important step toward me growing into who I want to be – who I really am when I don’t try to shift into who others want me to be. I’m building my own identity and I love it ❤️ 

And I’m still wrapping! It’s not a religious conviction or requirement, so I don’t do it 24/7. I do it when I feel like I need to put my head on straight – “I tell Little Brother, “Mama needs to put her head on.” I enjoy how put-together and powerful I feel with a beautiful wrap around my head. It’s my crown when I need to remember I’m the queen of my life and household. 

I got some new scarves at the thrift store yesterday and ❤️ them. A soft black muslin, a sheer black with stars and the moon, and a shimmery sari with orange to pink ombré at each end. Scarves could easily become an addiction, but at least they don’t take up much space and are about $3 at the thrift store.

Check out this collection of stories from Wrapunzel about women who wrap for a variety of reasons: 

So Many Reasons to Wrap

Introduction to Kitchen Witchery

“What is a kitchen witch? What do you do? Who is a witch?”

I grew up very confused about what a modern witch was – insert scary stories about Satan worship, human sacrifice, and general evil. I didn’t personally know any Pagans and/or witches so I was unable to learn the truth until I was a free-thinking adult. It was about four years ago, during a tumultuous time in my life. I was busily researching a myriad of beliefs and found myself interested in Paganism. The simple earthiness I read about was tangible, grounding, and somehow familiar. I had always been deeply connected to the Earth in a spiritual way, I just hadn’t understood that because of the parameters of my previous faith. Within the Pagan umbrella of beliefs I found room for both mystics and skeptics, polytheists and atheists, and everyone in between. I learned about shamans, Druids, Wiccans, witches and many others. A witch is someone who practices magic. Magic is simply directing you will, intent, and energy to accomplish what you want. This is what I love about witches – they don’t wait for things to happen, they work to make them happen! 😊 There are many different Types of witches; I found the description of kitchen witch most befitting my chosen spiritual path.*

A kitchen witch turns the everyday tasks of hearth and home into opportunities to practice magic. Carefully choosing the correct herbs and seasonings for a meal, choosing an essential oil to diffuse or use while cleaning, and preparing things like herbal infusions for medicinal purposes can all take on spiritual ramifications for the kitchen witch. I see it as my spiritual responsibility to keep my apartment’s energy clean and safe, so I burn beeswax candles and periodically smudge the place with sage. Big Brother loves to have a turn smudging and used to ask to smudge the bedroom each night to help him calm his bedtime fears; he also enjoys adding love to the things he helps me bake. Little Brother regularly joins me as I sing while grinding herbs in the mortar and pestle while cooking. Sharing a pot of tea with my husband is a ritual of love and connection. If one of us is sick, that pot of tea is probably full of herbs specially chosen for healing (catnip tea is a favorite). And then there’s food. From planning a meal to eating it, I seek to be very intentional. My kitchen witchery brings me and the family great joy!

Recommended Reading: 

Kitchen and Green Witchery

Types of Witches: What is a Kitchen Witch and How to Be One

*edited 7/9 to add: I’ve struggled with my spiritual path quite a bit ever since learning about Paganism. I initially felt at home and quickly recognized my identity as a witch, but outside pressure and fear drove me away for a time. I’ve explored other spiritual paths over the last few years, but I always came back to earth-based spirituality. In recent months I finally re-acknowledged my witchiness and released my fears; I’m happier for doing so.

Energy

There’s some amazing stuff on Instagram ❤️