How does one find a relationship with a new deity after being raised in a fundamentalist Christian tradition? How does one approach an ancient goddess after spending most of their life believing the only true deity was singular and exclusively male? How does one seek out a partnership* with a deity after believing deity was both all-knowing and all-powerful and required servitude? How do I put aside these worldviews I no longer believe to be true and replace them with something completely different? What must I do or say?
I’ve contemplated various deities** over the last few years – Cerridwen, Arrianhrod, Saule, Sophia, and Brigid – but a patron deity remained elusive. I studied each deity and learned something from each story but eventually moved on to another deity. The only deity I’ve ever come back to is Brigid. She is the deity my kitchen altar is dedicated to and is, probably, my long-sought-after patron. I’m giving us until Imbolc 2017 to decide whether our partnership is right for both of us; if it is, then I’ll plan something ceremonial and official. As a very fluid person, commitment is a bit scary for me… but I feel like I need the stability. I’m ready to be done with my five years of spiritual drifting. Identifying as a witch, after four years of denial (a knee-jerk reaction to my first husband’s fear of me when I timidly broached the subject) has been freeing in ways I never imagined. My anxiety has eased up, I’m happier, I feel more fulfilled, and my family is happier as a result. Mommy being stable and free to be her witchy self is powerfully positive; having an established patron deity can only ground us deeper as a family.
Imbolc is six months away; I’m looking forward to what these months will bring. If the last few days are any indicator, these should be some of the happiest months of our lives. Even if Brigid isn’t who I partner with for the long haul, I will still be forever grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from her.
*If the concept of partnering with a deity – rather than serving without question – is new to you, join the club! I stumbled across the concept on Instagram recently and was thankful to read someone expressing this simple-but-shocking concept. Witches make things happen. Witches don’t sit around waiting for a deity to grant our wish – we call on deity to aid us as we send our intentions into the world and work to create what we need/want. Ours is an active spirituality, complete with personal responsibility and free will.
** My deities-of-interest have all been female. I believe in male/female balance in areas of spirituality, but for now I’m only pursuing goddesses. About three years ago I had a vision in which a god smiled and conveyed to me that he would be waiting for me to be ready to embrace male deity again. He pointed me to his female counterpart and I knew I was to embrace her. I’m still focusing on the Goddess at this time. As my boys grow older I will likely relearn what it means to be masculine (something I’m already relearning thanks to my husband) and discover the God.